Month: April 2020

Day 31, Monday April 13, 2020: An Essential Trip to Walmart

A couple of days ago, Steve’s phone rang. It was RJ, a friend he’d met several years back while looking at guitars in Indiana. Since RJ lives a state away, we’ve met up with him and his wife Gail on occasion over the years. Steve took a memorable road-trip with RJ to Nashville, where he found his favorite guitar, a custom-made Solomon archtop.

The recent call between RJ and Steve went something like this:

            Steve, answering the ringing phone: Hello

            RJ: Hello…who is this?

            Steve: RJ, it’s Steve. You just called me.

            RJ: Oh Steve! Hi! I must have dialed you by accident. I was calling people I care about.

That’s RJ. A laugh a minute. In any case, RJ shared one of his recent email blogs with us, and is graciously allowing me to share with you. Enjoy.

An Essential Trip to Walmart

By, RJ Monroe

My wife and I decided to make an essential trip to Walmart this morning. I emphasize the word essential mind you. This was not a trip to the bad side of town to score black market, Chinese test kits. No sir! That would be un-American. We went to Walmart for groceries. Believe me.

To eliminate a bit of the stress and anxiety we have come up with a fun little game. In this game we keep track of how many breaches to the social distancing protocols that we have during the shopping experience. Each occurrence is assigned a score value and the scores are adjusted for the category of vulnerability that an individual falls into. It goes something like this. Anytime you pass inside of 6 feet of another shopper it is a “near miss” with a score of 3 points. I am over 65 with a vulnerability multiplier of 2. Take the score of 3, multiply by 2 = 6 points. There are different scores assigned for the severity of the breach. Get the picture?

As I write I can’t help but think about my younger days when we would hop in my friend’s convertible to cruise Main Street and “pick up chicks”. Now, at 72 I’m pushing a shopping cart down the grocery isle to “pick up pathogens”. The difference being that pathogens are substantially less lethal. However, I digress. Let’s get back to the game.

Similar to golf each player is on the honor system, keeps their own score card, and the lowest score wins. Are there any questions boys and girls? Ok …. Grab your shopping carts and let’s get ‘er done!

Of all places the first incursion I experienced was in the toilet paper isle. I must confess that I had my guard down, I became complacent! The shelves were completely empty! Who would have thought there would be another person wondering aimlessly down an isle with no merchandise? But bingo! This was scored as a near miss. Three points adjusted for my age for a total of 6. Given that par for this isle is zero I was off to a bad start.

My second incursion came at the deli counter. I was bending down to pick up a pillow pack of Margarita thick sliced pepperoni. Without warning I could feel it. It was an odd gravitational sense. The hair on my arm stood up with small electrical discharges as we made direct contact. When I looked up I swear I saw this grotesque figure with welts and an iridescent orange glow. I have no idea what color the Coronavirus is. Perhaps someone out there knows. However, on second glance, to my relief, it was just an ordinary guy buying some Oscar Mayer hard salami. It may have been a harmless encounter but it was scored as a “midair collision”. Eight points multiplied by 2. Sixteen points added to my scorecard plus the 6 from the near miss for a total of 22.

Although there is no official score for this I did answer an age old mystery. “If there is no such thing as a stupid question then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?” I went to the pharmacy department and asked, “Where can I can find face masks?”. The lady looked at me like I had just got off the rickshaw from Wuhan. WRONG! Proceed directly to jail. Do not pass go.

I’m thinking of calling the game Pandemic Pinball. The visual being people randomly colliding with objects and other people while going about their business. I’m not sure. What do you think?

Day 29: Saturday April 11, 2020: Robins, Graupel, and Painted Rocks

Over the past week, I’ve gone through various emotions and they’ve mimicked the weather. Sun and 70; snow; sleet; large hail; and, graupel (more on that later). And so have my emotions been. Some days I just haven’t felt like doing a darn thing. As many have lately pointed out, there have been plagues, and natural disasters, and human-made disasters forever ever and ever and ever. My great-great grandparents lived through the civil war; my grandparents WWI and the Spanish flu; they and my parents through the depression; and, my parents through WWII, the Korean war, and Vietnam, my father having served in all three wars.  There is nothing new under the sun, and we will get through this disaster as well. Knowing this has been a comfort. Life goes on.

The Robins know this. I’ve seen them in a flurry of activity this week. They are busy getting ready for nesting season and pulling up worms in the yard. They know that in spite of the weather, spring is on its way and they can count on it. However, as we inch closer to this glorious season, Winter will continue to raise its head and fight for its share of attention. This week I saw something new on my deck. Very tiny pellets. Not snow, not hail, not sleet. I learned its name – graupel: water droplets that freeze on falling snowflakes.

Tomorrow is Easter, and I was surprised this morning with an unexpected “Easter egg.” My husband spotted it as we went for a walk. In the crook of a tree by my driveway, there it was, not a mushroom as he first thought, but a blue painted stone. This tiny gift made my heart sing, as it had clearly been “planted.” Another neighbor had reported something similar in her Nextdoor post. Only now, while writing this, I learn it’s a “thing:” The Kindness Rock Project. I’ll have to read up on it and learn what I’m supposed to do in exchange. What a sweet way for someone in my neighborhood to show they care. Here’s to the children….our future.

Day 19, Wednesday April 1, 2020: Down the Rabbit Hole

Who else is feeling like they’ve gone down the rabbit hole into a completely other realm, akin to Alice’s Wonderland? I know I do. I haven’t written a posting in a few days now. What can I possibly say or write when confirmed cases in Michigan increased more than 400% in a single week? I will remind us all that the doctors and nurses at our hospitals are our brave and honorable heroes at this time, and that the everyday workers who are keeping food on our tables and necessary services running are our foot soldiers in this war.  I, a mere observer, can only write about my daily experiences, as mundane as they are (J), and my thoughts as I shelter in place along with the rest of the world.

Back to the Alice analogy. If my daytime is down the rabbit hole, then my nights have been a respite from the craziness of the new world order. Sleep has become a blessed escape and I’ve been honoring that by going to bed early each night, turning off my phone, showering before bed, and keeping fresh sheets on the bed. The result has been terrific sleep and entertaining dreams.

Last night, I was at a writer’s conference, staying in a cabin in the woods, where I met a cute, youngish male writer, and momentarily forgot my husband’s name when I went to introduce him! How shameful is that! The result was: I woke up with the “rabbit hole” analogy, was motivated to again put pen to paper, and told my husband how much I love him and appreciate him as we hole up together and ride this out.

Now, off to sample the brownies I made today, courtesy of my husband’s mother’s recipe for Passover Brownies. He’s been asking for these for only 20 some years! It’s taken a pandemic.